When I break up with someone, I like to pretend they don’t exist for a while. This gives me adequate time to cry, gain weight, lose the weight, cry some more, curse them to hell, and eventually make peace with the bum, I mean, the lovely person who was important to me.
I know this routine isn’t perfect, and it isn’t for everyone. What can I say, it works for me. I get plenty of time to overcome any “I want him back” feelings because there is always a good reason why I end a relationship. I don’t give up without a fight, but once the fight’s been fought, I’m done.
While mulling over the reasons for the break up, some people come to realize that, for whatever reason, the break was a mistake. What they really want is to get back together with their ex-lover, which is easier said than done and is sometimes just plain impossible.
Figure out exactly why you want him or her back
Those “I want him/her back” feelings? They can be so difficult to deal with. Besides doing number on your heart, they’ll also do a number on your head. You’ll come up with a ton of excuses about the problems you were experiencing that led to your breakup. You need to figure out your reason(s) for wanting him back, and you need to be brutally honest when doing so. Loneliness and sadness are not good enough reasons to try reconciliation. A genuine change of heart is.
Take some cooling off time
The fact is you broke up. Even if your super confident that your ex will welcome you back no questions asked, you both just went through an emotional roller coaster. It’s all fine and dandy that you want to patch things up, but you need to take however many days or weeks you need to lick your wounds. You want to start with a clean slate and you’ll both need mended hearts to do so.
Stay calm
If you need another reason for a cooling off period, consider this. When you have the reconciliation talk with your ex, which front would you rather present? The cool, calm and rational one, or the crying, screaming, weepy mess one? Right, I thought so.
When you get back in their presence, especially when proposing to get back together, you want to present the best version of yourself. If you’re the sad person you were last time they saw you, it’s going to bring back all the memories of break-up drama…and make it that much harder to imagine a happy, harmonious future.
Be prepared
Be prepared for any kind of reaction. If the answer is yes, they want to give it another try, really be prepared to follow through. If you go to them promising to, say, quit smoking if he or she will take you back, you have to back that up. Don’t hear them say “yes” and then immediately start questioning if you made the right decision yourself. You need to be sure of this before you even bring it up.
Brace yourself for the possibility that they might not be interested in round two. Depending on the circumstances, this might be the more likely possibility. Keep your composure; you’ve already made it a couple of weeks without them. You’re not breaking up again; this is just a confirmation, so don’t let it break you down again.
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