You probably know someone, or at least read a book where this happens; two people meet, fall head over heels in love, and do something totally extreme. Like getting married while jumping out of an airplane or moving (running away??) to Greenland. While it sounds terribly romantic, is it really?
I flip flop about this one. I’ve been in that situation before. When I was younger, though equally as head strong as I am now, I fell, totally and completely, for a man 15 years older than I. After we dated for just three months, I sublet my totally amazing, really hard to find, apartment, moved in with him and started window shopping the engagement rings.
A month after that, he attacked me. In retrospect, it wasn’t such a good move after all. I’m glib about it now (coping mechanism, anyone?) but the truth is, at the time, it felt like my world had fallen apart: I was suddenly loveless, homeless and completely doubting my ability to read my feelings and instincts, something I had been very sure of my whole life up to this point. The whole thing was sudden, intense and just like a movie, in both the good and bad ways. And I had totally eaten it up.
I’ve been told that I should have been more discriminating and not so hasty in my decision. That could be. However, I made it out in one piece. And even if I could go back for a do over, I’m not sure that I’d do things any differently. I go from the heart, I always have, and I always will. That’s who I am. If I put a buffer on my heart I wouldn’t have experienced the emotions that I did; for better or worse.
I think that’s the way a lot of leap before you look lovers look at things. Whatever may come, they risk taking the good with the bad. They never sacrifice the good to same themselves from potential bad. Without taking a chance on anything, the reason, you’ll just end up an old sad bundle of middle ground. Life is simply too short not to chance an occasional extreme.
Like everything, there are two sides to this debate. Sure, I’m all in favor of following one’s heart, especially if it leads you to some unexpected places away from your chosen path. But there is a world of difference between being someone who has a chance encounter with someone amazing and someone who makes it a habit of thriving on the drama of falling in and out of love.
People like this most certainly exist. I call them “love-bleweeds”. They make a life out of tumbling around, building up one relationship and life, only to completely uproot and reconfigure when the next one comes along. After you’ve done this for long enough, it’s very possible to forget how to be calm, comfortable and exercise any follow through.
I suppose some people are happy like this and if so, more power to them. However, there are lots of casualties surrounding someone who lives like this: they have friends and co-workers and lovers and neighbors and pets and a life that gets set up. When you drop everything at the sight of the next “soulmate” who comes along, there are bound to be a heap of people in your wake who are going to feel something missing when you’re gone.
When love does come along quickly and intensely it’s just too good a thing to pass up. If you’ve been around the block a time or two, and add a dollop of good luck, you just might have learned how to protect your life, without having to sacrifice any of the amazing feelings that go along with it.
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