I like to consider myself a fairly independent person. Do I want my manfriend to make me soup when I’m gross-flu-death girl? Definitely. Do I want him to pay my rent for me? Certainly not.
Regardless, I’ve been in those relationships where before you know it, you’re practically living with joint finances. It happens; one person loses a job and it seems like the loving and obvious thing to do to help them out until they figure it out; or you just both go through the “you pay for this and I’ll pay you back” cycle so many times that it becomes gray as to whose money belongs to whom. And just like that, you’re a one-account couple.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. There are couples (so I’ve heard, I’ve never met any) who apparently never have issues of mistrust, entitlement or codependence. The more realistic couples (like most of us) know that in order for their relationship to flourish they need a like minded approach to financial harmony.
Make a list, and check it twice
There are lots of ways to spend your money, and we often do so without really understanding where the money goes. Start by having each of you make a list. Do this separately. Include all your regular expenses like rent or mortgage payments, heat, hydro, your car, and insurance premiums.
Also put what you typically spend in a month on things like shopping and going out. Add on there purchases you wish to make, like a kick butt new mountain bike or season tickets to the theater.
Bring it out into the open
Money is one of those things that need to be talked about. Avoiding the issue will only increase the stress associated with it. So get over it already; this is simply too important for you to bury your head in the sand.
Frequent conversations about money will put the subject in the realm of a common topic instead of something you dread to bring up. And common topics of conversation are rarely filled with worry and pressure.
Compare lists
When you’ve made the decision to set up housekeeping together you need to go over the list of expenses you each made. Decide which ones are joint expenses (that would be things like rent and utilities) and which ones are individual, or personal, expenses (shoes and clothing). It’s more difficult than it sounds and some of the expenses on each of your lists will bear discussing. Is his beer club membership a shared expense, or a personal one?
Make a fresh start
Start from scratch by opening a joint checking account. Use it to pay the household bills and other expenses that you agreed would be joint ones. Have your own bank account for personal purchases like presents for your partner, donations to charities that your partner doesn’t give a fig about, or, heaven forbid, hitting the road if things don’t go as planned.
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