One of the greatest advantages of dating online is that we’ve already had the chance to chat before we’ve met face-to-face. We already have an idea what interests this person and maybe what they’ve done with their lives.
Online dating sites can make us think we’re safe in assuming that once we go on the first ‘real’ date, conversation will flow – but not always.
It’s natural to be nervous on a first date – and nerves are the great enemy of easy, natural conversation. So if you already have been chatting to your potential new love online in a singles chat room, then before you head out on that all-important first date, make a mental note of what he or she has told you about themselves.
A lot of first dates happen in restaurants and cafes…but is this the best place to get a conversation going? A better idea is to go to a concert, play, museum, art gallery or one of your city’s attractions…or even a hike in nature or a stroll around a historic neighbourhood. This way, the landscape will give you cues to converse about – there’s less pressure than being in a restaurant with someone you don’t yet know very well.
Don’t make the mistake of picking a first date venue that doesn’t offer an interesting or stimulating environment. A busy cafe on the main road hardly presents the opportunity for you to make that vital first impression.
Having met online first is a great way to use ’saved up’ information to fall back on in times of the conversation flow drying up. Show interest in how you address their questions, and use their questions as a cue to build on other conversation topics.
And be open yourself – if a person sees that you’re open, they’re be more likely to be open in return. If conversation has stalled, and it’s possible to change the venue, do so. Getting out in the night air can help. The other tactic is to just be honest and say, “Hey, I’m just a little nervous here, this being the first date, and I’m not sure what to say.” Acknowledging the problem out loud can be a real ice breaker.
Keep the topics of conversation light hearted and on mutual ground. Whilst it’s great to have personal views and desires, starting a debate about the politics of current world news is not the best way to offer a worthy first impression.
Be sure not to hog the conversation. A good way to further help achieve this is to make it easy on your date to participate in the conversation by asking more questions about the topic your already engaged in. Avoid straight out yes – no answers at all cost.
Bonny Albo, a writer who has focused on online dating matters, sums up the art of conversation with these words: “Concentrate on adopting your own experiences and interweaving them in with the other individuals answers. By doing so you will be formulating a connection with the individual, producing hooks of information with which to initiate a conversation at a future moment.
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